


Cannot Go Back to the Way It Used to Be

by Rinnoa



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, F/M, First Love, Heartbreak, Homophobic Language, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One-Sided Attraction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2016-02-13
Packaged: 2018-05-18 13:21:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 20,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5929972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rinnoa/pseuds/Rinnoa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's strange, how love works. Sometimes it's more of an infatuation, and sometimes it's so raw and powerful and strong it's almost terrifying. Sometimes it fades, and sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes, the blond boy with blue eyes and a charming smile loves you back, and sometimes he doesn't. </p><p>past!Sora/Roxas; one-sided!Sora/Roxas; Axel/Roxas; two-shot; other pairings and warnings listed inside</p><p>Chapter I: Sora-centric; more focused on past!Sora/Roxas<br/>Chapter II: Mainly Axel/Roxas</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Let's Leave the Past Behind Us

**Author's Note:**

> **Pairings** : past!Sora/Roxas, one-sided!Sora/Roxas, Axel/Roxas, Riku/Kairi, Namine/Xion - mentioned, Zack Fair/Cloud Strife - mentioned, Sephiroth/Aerith Gainsborough - mentioned, past!Sora/Vaan (FF XII) - mentioned  
>  **Warnings** : One-sided love, heartbreak, hurt/comfort, mentions of blowjobs and handjobs but nothing explicit, Sora's mother is homophobic, Riku has an 'asshole' moment but it's brief don't worry, character death (I don't want to spoil anything, but it's none of the canon characters), mentions of gore when Roxas mentions a book he's read  
>  **Disclaimer** : I do not own Kingdom Hearts or any of Final Fantasy characters mentioned in the story, they belong to Square Enix
> 
> Chapter I is Sora's take on his relationship with Roxas, mostly Sora-centric

**“There's no love like the first.”**

_**― Nicholas Sparks** _

* * *

 

People always told him that first love never lasts. That life is not a fairy tale, and such things are simply impossible. His mother had always blamed Disney for his idealistic views on that topic. But then again, she had always blamed everything she disliked about him on the animated movies. And according to her, there was a lot to dislike, to hate, to punish for.

She had always blamed him for not turning out to be like his two brothers. Not in the aspect of education or sports, no. He might have not been as smart as Squall, but he was more studious than Vanitas ever would be. He was in his high school’s swimming team and was quite good at other sports. No, that was not what she hated about him. It was all about his first love and the happiness that came with it, both of which she detested him for.

Since the day Kairi moved to the Islands, Sora’s mother had always believed her son and the redheaded girl would get married one day. And truthfully, Sora himself believed that too, back when he was 10. She was pretty and incredibly kind, not to mention fun to talk to. Not once had she made him feel inadequate to Riku, and she even watched Disney movies with him whenever he wanted. She was the princess and he was supposed to be the prince, and then they’d live happily ever after. She was his first crush, yes, but it faded quickly and was nowhere near love. Not the romantic one anyway.

His first love was not like Kairi at all. Their hair wasn’t nowhere near red, it was a radiant blond colour, reminding Sora of sunshine. Though their eyes were blue, they weren’t like Kairi’s deep, dark cobalt, but lighter, prettier. Cerulean. And, unlike Sora’s best friend, his first love wasn’t interested in making new friends and fitting in as quickly as possible. They were quite reserved, and at first he thought a bit shy, but that was far from truth. Beneath the quiet demeanour, they were fun and adventurous, ready to fight if faced with a challenge. But, most important of all, they were a boy.

Roxas Strife moved to Destiny Islands at the age of 13 together with his family due to his father’s job transfer. He was Sora’s age and had a twin sister called Namine, one that he was very protective of. If he ever witnessed someone bullying her, he bullied them right back, not giving much thought who he was dealing with, girl or boy. If they dared make his sister upset, they deserved no mercy, or at least that’s what his policy seemed to be.

Roxas was different. Unlike most people that transferred to Destiny Middle School, as few as they were, he wasn’t looking for friends, didn’t try to fit in with one of the groups no matter the cost. He was perfectly content with being alone or in his sister’s, and only hers, presence. He made that quite clear when Sora approached him with all the best intentions in mind.

In fact, if it weren’t for Kairi and Namine becoming very good friends, Sora and Roxas would have probably never ended up sitting at the same table. The blond would have never opened up to Sora, and they would have never been friends, not to mention something more than that.

The process of befriending Roxas was slow, simply because the other boy was as stubborn as a mule. No matter how much Sora told him about himself, he rarely got anything informative in return. He only shared the most generic things, like how shitty cafeteria food tasted on a given day, or how there was a quiz during math, even though the brunet shared the class with him.

The breakthrough in their relationship didn’t happen until the third month after the Strifes had moved to the Islands. Sora hated thinking about that day, because as much progress as he and Roxas had made as friends, someone else he cared about tried to walk right out of his life. And even though there had been warning signs for the past couple of months, the brunet tried to ignore them, tried to pretend that nothing was wrong.

Riku was going through some weird phase back then, one that Sora nowadays liked to call “Little Riku’s Brooding Days”. Being the youngest out of five brothers, with expectations of inheriting one of his mother’s company’s branches and having perfect grades, and with being the captain of the school’s football team to boot, there was bound to be a lot of pressure. The silverhaired boy finally exploded right into Sora’s face one day, set off by the brunet’s constant chatter. He yelled at him, told him that he was an unnecessary annoyance in his life, that he couldn’t understand how anyone could put up with him. He called him worthless, too, and that was what made Sora break. Before even one tear could escape his eye, though, Roxas appeared seemingly out of nowhere and punched Riku square in the face, quickly pulling Sora away afterwards.

“It’s okay. You can cry” he had said when the two of them sat under a tree outside of school, neither caring that they were missing classes. Roxas had pulled him closer and Sora ended up with his face resting against the other boy’s shoulder. His voice was gentle, warm, unlike any tone he had used with the brunet before. It wasn’t pity, it wasn’t sympathy, it was acceptance. And Sora cried, his sobs muffled by the blond’s shoulder. He barely registered a hand running through his hair in a calming manner, his heart filled with too much pain to bear.

When the brunet had finally calmed down and asked Roxas why he was being so nice, and why he had punched Riku in the face, the blond _laughed_ , the sound shocking Sora more than it should have.

“Because you’ve grown on me. And no one messes with my friends”

Sora wasn’t sure if that was the day he fell in love with the other boy, but he knew their relationship improved rapidly after that incident.

The two boys started spending more and more time together and Sora’s questions were finally being answered. Roxas’ birthday was on February 13th and he was the second oldest from his siblings, Namine being younger by mare twenty four minutes. His older brother was named Cloud – “Apparently he was conceived when mom and dad where watching clouds on a sunny day. Too much information, I know” – and was four years older, and the youngest, Ventus – “It’s Latin for wind. I dunno, I think that my parents were secretly aspiring to create an army of weathermen or something. I think Nami and I got really lucky. We could have been called something really dumb, like Rainbow and Rain Strife. Jesus” – was the same age as Vanitas. Apparently, Roxas sucked at art, saying Namine took all of the artistic talent – “You know how three year olds draw stick figures? Yeah. I draw stick figures too” – but that he had a decent singing voice and that he played violin. He wasn’t that big on sports, but enjoyed skateboarding and wanted to try snowboarding one day. He loved animals, but his mother was allergic so they couldn’t keep any at home. He wanted to be a vet one day, because he’d be a doctor then, just like his mother wanted, but an _animal_ doctor which was entirely cooler. Sora also discovered that Tifa, his older brother’s best friend and ex-girlfriend, had apparently influenced him greatly, especially when it came to polishing his _sarcasm_ skills, of all things.

And while all of these confessions made him giddy, because he was _finally_ getting to know Roxas, just like he had wanted to all along, the blond dropped a bomb on him.

“I’m gay” he had confessed, his eyes meeting Sora’s in an unwavering stare, as if daring him to say something offensive.

“Uh… what do you mean you’re gay?” he was honestly not trying to be rude, but was genuinely surprised. All the knowledge he had about gay people came from his peers, mostly, from his mother and a little bit from a TV show he watched once, about a year ago. The boys in his class would call each other ‘gay’ when they wanted to insult one another, and his mom had always said how homosexuals were ‘disgusting, wrong, shameless, had no dignity and deserved to die’. And the gay man portrayed in TV wore all those pink clothes and talked in a perky, a bit girly voice, and acted way more flamboyant than anyone ever did in real life. All of these images simply didn’t fit with Roxas, who wore more black than death itself, who talked in a serious and sarcastic voice most of the time, who was actually incredibly kind and caring and fun underneath his ‘I’ll bite off your hand if you touch me’ demeanour, and did not deserve to die at all.

Thankfully, Roxas had not taken offense at the question, knowing Sora well enough already to know when he was curious.

“It means that I am attracted to other boys. I am not interested in girls romantically and I will never be. For example, you know how Tidus sometimes looks at Kairi’s chest instead of at her eyes when she’s talking? Yeah, I sometimes look at his abs during PE when he’s giving those stupid enthusiastic speeches about the superiority of blitzball. I mean, damn, he’s 13 and already toned. Anyway, what I wanted to say is…. well, whatever you’ve heard about same-sex relationships, I just want you to know that it’s not weird, or wrong, you know? It’s love. There’s nothing sinful or shameful about it. It’s just love” and Sora could remember how mature and knowledgeable Roxas seemed back then, despite being only 13.

They hadn’t really talked about the topic of homosexuals after that, but it seemed that the blond’s heart was that much lighter after telling him. And sometimes he had looked at Sora, as though he was grateful to him for accepting his sexuality without a fuss. That made him wonder if the blond had confined in someone back home, back in Twilight Town, and they made a big deal out of it. There had to have been some reason for his distrustful behaviour, after all.

The boys’ friendship bloomed, which was easily noticed by others. Namine was delighted that her brother was making friends, and she’d sometimes send Sora these weird, secretive smiles, as if she knew something that he didn’t. Kairi, too, seemed happy for both of them, especially since Roxas opened up to her as well. And then there was Riku, who had apologized to Sora for his behaviour two weeks after the incident. Riku wasn’t especially fond of the blond at first, but soon the two of them developed a rather friendly rivalry, much to the amusement of the remaining trio.

The day Sora had realized that he was in love with Roxas, was a day after his fourteenth birthday. Kairi had stayed the night, much to Vanitas and his mother’s amusement, and they had a long talk. He confined in her, how he had been feeling weirdly around Roxas for the past few months. How he had weird thoughts and sometimes even dreams about the blond, and how awfully his stomach would clench when he’d see how close Riku and Roxas had become. She looked shocked at first, but then smiled, bright and excited, if only a little sad. She had asked him a few questions, nodded her head a few times, giggled every other time and then said

“You love him, Sor” not a question, not an insult, not a way to tease him. A statement of truth. And though he was confused – because it was Roxas, it was a boy, he had never liked a boy before, he had never been in love before, he was barely fourteen - he didn’t question the truth behind that sentence.

He had not confessed right away, no. The rest of July passed, August following, then September. He was nervous, terrified, didn’t want to ruin their friendship, wasn’t ready to see his mother and brothers’ reactions to his newly discovered sexuality. He wasn’t ready and had no plans of ever telling the blond of his feelings, desperately hoping that they would go away.

But then, one day in mid-October, when the two of them were sitting on the beach and laughing at the seagulls, Roxas suddenly peered at him, his shoulders unusually tense, blue eyes sparkling with variety of emotions.

“Can I kiss you?” was the whispered question, barely audible between the murmur of the sea and the whistling of the wind. He didn’t remember nodding, didn’t remember smiling shyly, didn’t remember looking like Roxas had days later told him he had acted and looked like.

He remembered the kiss, though. Uncertain, shy, nervous on both ends. There were no fireworks exploding in his head, but Sora remembered his stomach clenching, almost unpleasantly, and his heart beating at the speed of sound. He remembered wondering why people described first kisses as the most amazing thing, when to him it was simply nerve wrecking and awkward. He had no idea where his hands were supposed to go or whether he was supposed to open his mouth or not. He also remembered the feeling of Roxas’ lips on his for the very first time, so inexperienced and a little clumsy, but gentle and slow and caring. Their noses bumped a few times and Sora forgot to breathe at one point, which left him gasping for air after the kiss had ended. The second kiss went a little better, still uncertain but both of them had just a bit more knowledge. By the fourth kiss, they realized they had to tilt their heads a little not to squish their noses together. By the seventh, Sora’s lips pulled into a shy smile, and he could _feel_ Roxas grinning against his mouth and it felt _amazing_.

He had confessed then, after the fifteenth or maybe twentieth kiss, and he had never seen Roxas smile quite so widely and beautifully ever before. He remembered always wanting to see the blond like that, his face bright and relaxed, his eyes laughing, and leaned down to kiss him again.

At first, they had agreed to keep it a secret. No matter how happy they were, Sora was terrified of the public’s opinion and Roxas didn’t want to upset him or push him into doing something he wasn’t ready for. The blond understood that, while his own family was accepting and tolerant, and had nothing against his sexuality, not everyone was like that. Especially not in middle schools, filled with childish, immature brats. And Sora had told him all about his mother and her opinions as well.

Roxas hadn’t even told his siblings, because while he trusted them with his whole heart, Cloud was friends with Squall, and despite acting like they hated each other, Ventus and Vanitas got along rather well, too. There was just too big of a chance that one of them could let it slip by accident and Sora’s family would find out. And telling only Namine seemed rather unfair towards his brothers.

During their dates, they mostly went to the beach where they had kissed for the first time. They talked, laughed, kissed, hugged, held hands and felt safe. Sora had always felt like those were the best moments in his life, his happiest memories. Roxas made him happy, made him feel beautiful and important and perfect just the way he was. He made him happy in a different way than Kairi and Riku and Namine and his other friends did. He made him feel loved and cherished in a way he had never been cared for before, and his heart swelled at the very thought.

They got to know each other better, quirks and likes and dislikes and habits and fears. Apparently, the blond really loved lasagne, but his mother wouldn’t make it more than once a month at best, and the store bought one just didn’t cut it. And he tended to tap his fingers against his knee when he was nervous, which annoyed Namine to no end. He also loved keys, because he thought they’d make cool weapons. And while Sora thought he meant that in a superhero, ‘I’ll protect the world’ way, the ideology behind it turned out to be completely different. The blond had read a book about an exorcist, where some crazy dude killed a girl by repeatedly slashing the keys against her throat, which eventually got cut open. After hearing that, the brunet just wordlessly stood up and stared at the sky, wondering when his boyfriend had turned into a psychopath.

When it was his turn to share stories, the blond listened patiently and with interest. Though he had completely lost it, laughing so hard that he ended up crying, when Sora told him about a particular nightmare featuring himself and Donald Duck.

“I couldn’t understand him but I’m pretty sure he was swearing at me in Russian, but like Duck Russian, though I don’t know Russian so you know, I’m not sure if it was Duck Russian or Duck Spanish or maybe it was just _Duck_ , you know, and then he stars chasing me with this cane looking thing, but that cane is wearing _a hat_ and it’s like magical or something, and my pants caught on fire and god Rox, while I was trying to put the fire out he jumped on me and if it weren’t for Goofy I’m pretty sure he would have murdered me. Donald Duck is evil, Roxas, don’t trust him, do _not_ ”

The first person they told about their relationship was Namine. It was the beginning of December, but the Islands were not getting any colder or whiter. They remained warm, the sky clear except for few lone clouds. Even before they said anything, she had smiled that tiny, knowing smile of hers, her blue eyes sparkling with amusement.

“I’ve known for weeks now” was her brief comment before she pulled both of them into a hug and wished them happiness. A tiny weight had been lifted from Sora’s heart.

Just a day later they told both Kairi and Riku. The redheaded girl squealed loudly, jumping up and down and crushing both of them in a hug, yelling how she ‘had known all along’ and ‘how they were just so cute together’. Riku was calmer about it, though he did tell Roxas that if he ever hurt Sora, he’d punch him in the face. But the small grin on his face betrayed his real thoughts, how he was happy for both of them, and the brunet’s heart hadn’t felt that light in months.

Feeling brave after confiding in his three close friends, Sora had agreed to tell Roxas’ family. He had met all of them before, having been over at the blond’s house plenty of times in the past. While he knew that they were all nice, and that Cloud and Mr Strife only _looked_ intimidating but were actually very kind and supportive, he had still been nervous when the entire Strife family gathered in the living room, looking at their second son and his friend with questioning eyes. Only Namine was sitting on the coach, smiling at them encouragingly. 

“We’re dating” Roxas had said before the brunet could prepare himself mentally. He unconsciously grabbed the blond’s hand, squeezing it tightly, so tightly that it probably hurt the other boy if the wince was anything to go by. His heart was hammering in his chest and he wanted to run, wanted to run far far away and never look back.

But Ventus, who looked so much like Roxas, only younger, squealed in happiness and hugged Sora’s middle, not reaching any further. He had only turned ten just a while ago, after all. Roxas’ mother had a similar reaction, gushing about how happy she was for them and how adorable they looked together, giving both of them a quick hug. The blond’s father smiled with approval and ruffled his son’s hair, while Cloud patted Sora on the head, his gaze gentle.

If his heart had felt light after telling their friends, it was positively weightless after telling Roxas’ family. They had been so accepting and supportive, and the blond’s mother insisted he came over for dinner at least once a week so they could chat. Whenever he looked up at Roxas and saw him grinning at him, he felt a surge of happiness coursing through his own body and remembered the unbearable urge to kiss his boyfriend silly.

Sora had told his older brother about his sexuality and his relationship with Roxas two days later, when Squall came back from university for Christmas break. The older brunet said nothing at first, making the younger boy nervous, before ruffling his hair in an affectionate manner, so unlike him that it almost made Sora more terrified than being yelled at.

“Thanks for telling me, kid” was all his brother had told him, and that was that.

He had no plans of telling his mother or younger brother though. Vanitas wasn’t a bad kid, but he wasn’t the nicest person on Earth either. He was only ten, too young to really understand that not everything their mother told him was true. And their mother had said a lot of awful things about same-sex couples. Back then, he remembered thinking that he’d tell his younger brother about his relationship with Roxas in a few years’ time, the mare thought of being together with the blond in the future making him giddy.

They were happy together, after all. They understood each other perfectly, and sometimes it felt like they had been made for each other, as cheesy as it sounded. Sora could feel himself falling more and more in love with the other boy as weeks went by. They had started kissing with tongue at the beginning of January, and had even groped each other a little during more heated make out sessions. On Roxas and Namine’s fifteenth birthday, apart from giving the blond boy a keychain in the shape of a key, which made the blond positively giddy, he also gave his boyfriend a blowjob. It was kind of awkward, and felt really gross in the beginning, and honestly the brunet had no idea what he was doing at first, but the noises and expressions Roxas made were all worth it.

They had never gone beyond blowjobs, no matter how heated their make out sessions were, and even those were rare. They usually settled for kissing or a handjob. Both of them felt that fifteen was too young to lose virginity, no matter what their classmates said about that topic. Their classmates were mostly just show offs anyway.

They had been happy and there were no signs that they would be breaking up anytime soon.

Nothing could have prepared Sora for what happened on the 3rd of April. They were at school, taking a test from chemistry, when an uneasy looking secretary walked into the class and asked for Roxas. Before their teacher could protest, she whispered something into his ear and his expression turned into one of shock, immediately allowing the blond to leave. Sora could still remember how confused and nervous Roxas looked when he got up from his sit, handing the teacher his half-filled test, before following the secretary out of the class.

During lunch, Namine was gone as well.

Afterwards, neither he nor Kairi had heard anything from the twins for a week. Namine wasn’t picking up her phone, and Roxas’ was turned off. No one from the Strife family had opened up the door, and all the lights were off. There was no car in the driveway either, making the house appear almost abandoned.

To say that Sora had been worried was an understatement. He had been terrified, afraid that something bad had happened to his boyfriend and his family. The fact that Vanitas said Ventus wasn’t coming to the elementary school hadn’t improved his mood either. The brunet was upset and scared, not to mention uneasy. Ever since Roxas had moved to Destiny Islands and the two became good friends, they hadn’t been apart from each other for longer than three days at most.

Roxas and Namine came back to school seven days after their disappearance, on the 10th of April. Though the term ‘came back’ wasn’t really correct.

That day, Sora had gotten to school at least forty minutes before classes started. He woke up too early and didn’t want to spend more time listening to his mother’s preaching about how high schools in other cities were so much better than Destiny High. It had become a new hobby of hers, hinting that he should consider a high school out of the prefecture, preferably one in Traverse Town, since that’s where Squall attended the university.

He was strolling around the school aimlessly, seeing maybe two or three other teenagers at most. He was just walking by the director’s office when a group of people clad in black emerged from behind the door. Two adults, a woman, brunette with her hair pulled into a ponytail, green eyes hidden behind glasses, and a man, blond with blue eyes. Both of them were probably in their mid-thirties. But what made Sora stop in his tracks was the pair of twins that trailed after them, two blondes that he would recognize anywhere. Roxas was staring at the man’s back, his gaze blank, and Namine’s eyes were glued to the floor. While black was a normal colour for Sora’s boyfriend’s to wear, he had never before seen Namine in anything darker than light green. And if that wasn’t a warning sign, then their faces definitely were.

The twins looked tired. Not the kind of ‘I have just ran twenty laps around school’ tired, not the ‘I’m really tired of your bullshit’ kind either. The two of them looked as though they hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep during their absence, but there was something worse there, too. Roxas’ eyes were _dead_. They were open, but he wasn’t focused at all. It was as though he had been functioning on autopilot for a while, and had forgotten how to live, how to express his emotions. It was terrifying.

“Rox? Nami?” he hadn’t realized he had spoken until two pairs of eyes were focused on him. And the stares didn’t belong to his friends.

The blond man turned his head, nudging Roxas with his elbow. Only then did he look up, his eyes meeting Sora’s. For a second, it seemed that he hadn’t recognized him and it made Sora’s heart throb with fright. But then recognition crossed these pretty, lovely, lifeless, dull cerulean orbs and, in a few steps, the blond was standing right in front of him. Wordlessly, Roxas pulled him into a tight hug, a quiet, tired sigh leaving his lips. Before Sora got a chance to react, however, his boyfriend stepped away.

“I’m sorry” he had said, and before Sora could even feel his stomach clenching nervously, the blond continued “I’m sorry. I… I can’t keep seeing you, Sor. Sora”

If someone asked how he had felt after hearing that sentence, the only appropriate word would be ‘cold’. He hadn’t felt his heart shattering, not at that moment anyway. Instead of his mind turning blank, thousands of questions crossed his head at once. Instead of demanding answers, begging for another chance, he’d just stared with wide eyes.

From the corner of his eye, he could see Namine approaching them, her gaze still glued to the floor. She stopped right next to her brother, reaching for his hand and squeezing it gently, her other hand tugging nervously at the hem of her black dress. When she finally looked up, her eyes were just as lifeless as Roxas’. For a few seconds, they remained silent, just staring at each other.

“We’re leaving, Sora” if possible, the statement made him feel even colder than Roxas ending things between them.

“Why?” he choked out, feeling unpleasant stinging in his eyes. Sensing his discomfort, the blonde girl let go of her brother’s hand and wrapped both arms around Sora’s shoulders, burying her face in his shoulder. He felt his shirt dampening with her tears just moments before Roxas broke the news.

“Our parents died in a car crash last week. Their funeral was three days ago, in Radiant Garden. That’s where mom is… was. That’s where mom was from” his voice broke for just a second after that statement, but he recovered quickly, clearing his throat “Our uncle and aunt live there, and we’ll be moving in with them. And Cloud’s university is there so… so the family can be together. We… we need that, now. We need to be together”

There were no tears in Roxas’ eyes as he said that, and though he sounded tired and defeated, his voice did not break for the second time. Unlike him, Sora couldn’t stop the tears from escaping any longer, a heart wrenching sob leaving his mouth. He barely registered Namine’s hug tightening, barely registered Roxas’ arms wrapping around him and his sister, barely heard the ‘I’ll miss you’.

Roxas and Namine, two people he cared about so dearly, had gone through so much in a week’s time and he had had no idea. He couldn’t imagine what it was like to lose one’s parents. His father walked out of his life when he was three years old, leaving behind two sons and a pregnant wife. He could lie about how he missed him, but truth was, he did not remember him, did not feel any emotional attachment to the man. Unlike Squall, he had no clear memories of him and had no idea what kind of father he was. And though he wasn’t the closest with his mother, though she could be a cruel witch at times, just the thought of losing her made him feel sick. He wasn’t sure if he’d be able to cope with actually losing her. And the Strifes were close, really close with their parents. ‘They must have been in so much pain’

“Namine, Roxas, we need to go” a gentle voice, the woman’s, made Sora snap out from his thoughts. He could feel the two pairs of arms around him loosening, the siblings stepping away, and he panicked, his hand reaching for and grasping around their wrists. _They were leaving_.

“Don’t. Don’t go. I… I love you, Rox _. I love you_. Nami, you’re one of my best friends, I can’t, you _can’t_ ” he was getting hysterical, wasn’t making it any easier on the twins, and later on, he’d felt like shit for it. But back then, the thought had never even registered in his head. He only knew that he wanted, no, had to, stop these two from leaving.

But Namine kissed his cheek, whispered a goodbye in a quiet voice and turned on the heel of her foot, the black dress twirling slightly.

“You’re so amazing, Sora. You’re kind, you’re funny, you’re beautiful, you’re caring, you have so many good qualities. You… you’ll move on, yeah? You’ll find a nice boy or a girl one day, and you’ll show them all those wonderful things you had shown me, and you’ll fall in love with them and they’ll fall in love with you. You’ll watch Disney movies together and they’ll protect you from Donald Duck’s wrath. And you’ll be okay, you know? Whoever that person will be, you’ll make them happy, I know you will. I… Shit, I’m horrible at those things, but I love you too. I do, I really do. And I’ll never regret kissing you that day, dating you, being friends with you and Riku and Kai. I… Take care of yourself, Sora” he leaned in, planting a short, gentle kiss on the brunet’s lips, and then he was walking away. Away from him, away from Destiny Islands. And Sora’s heart was hurting too much to allow his legs to move, to follow the four people that had disappeared behind the corner. He hadn’t realized he had just let them go for good, without saying goodbye, until his phone buzzed, informing him of a new text message from Kairi.

He, Riku and Kairi had skipped lessons that day. They tried to catch the Strifes at their home, but were welcomed with an empty driveway and a ‘For Sell’ sign. Afterwards, they had gone to the beach, and Riku said nothing when his two friends buried their heads in his shoulder, dampening his shirt with tears. He just ran his hands through their hair in comforting manner, not saying a word as the two cried their hearts out. Though the twins were his friends, too, he had never been as close to them as Sora and Kairi were. Roxas was Sora’s boyfriend, and Kairi and Namine had acted like sisters.

Some part of Sora had died that day, left him broken. When he returned home, his mother yelled at him for skipping school, said she had gotten a phone call from the school office which was _embarrassing_ , and demanded answers. And despite having cried all morning and afternoon, the tears had still escaped and he’d told her everything. About Namine and Roxas in general, about their parents’ death, about his sexuality, about his romantic relationship with Roxas, about how he just had his heart broken for the first time. And though she had frowned with disapproval when the words ‘I’m gay, mom, I’m _gay’_ left his mouth, she still hugged him in his hysterical state, whispering comforting words.

Back then she wasn’t even so bad yet, no, her insulting him and telling him all homosexual people would rot in hell, him included, didn’t start happening until he turned 16 and declared that he still had no intentions of dating Kairi. But that wasn’t relevant.

Three weeks after the twins had moved, two letters arrived in his mailbox. The first one, from Namine, contained a bunch of beautiful drawings. Of herself, of Kairi, of Roxas, of Sora, of Riku, of the five of them together. Of a house he didn’t recognize, but knew was the twins’ new home from the little note on the back of the drawing. Of beautiful landscapes she’d seen in Radiant Garden so far. She’d also attached a letter that ended with the words ‘We miss you’ and a phone number. ‘New number, my old phone fell into a lake. If you’d like, call me someday’. That had explained why she had never picked up their calls.

Roxas wrote a long letter, telling him all about Radiant Garden. How he now shared a room with Ventus and how the younger boy crawled into bed with him, and how he was glad instead of annoyed, because for the first few days, he was afraid Ventus would shut himself off emotionally. He also wrote about Cloud and his friends, dedicating half a page to a guy named ‘Zack’, who was apparently crazy, and a girl called ‘Aerith’, who was supposedly the kindest woman on Earth. He wrote about his aunt’s cooking, and how she made the most amazing waffles, and about his uncle promising to fix an old motorcycle for him one day. He wrote about his and Namine’s new school, and about how all of his classmates were ‘annoying assholes’. Just like his sister, he attached a phone number, admitting that he ended up smashing his phone against a wall in a hysterical act of despair back when he heard about his parents’ death. Much to Sora’s disappointment, the letter did not end with an ‘I love you’.

As he’d found out the following day, both Riku and Kairi received letters from the twins as well. And though the three of them still felt a bit depressed over the lack of Namine and Roxas’ presence, the phone numbers helped a lot.

Sora and Kairi had graduated from Destiny Middle School, entering Destiny High in September, finally being in the same school as Riku once more. Sora had joined the school’s swimming team, and Kairi tried out for the school council.

During his second year of high school, a boy named Vaan asked him out. He was tanned, was a year older, had blond hair, lighter in colour than Roxas’, and greyish-blue eyes. Despite Kairi’s accusations of saying yes just because the older boy resembled his ex, he hadn’t felt guilty, because she was only half right. It’s true that he agreed to date the other boy partly because he reminded him of Roxas. But he also thought that Vaan was funny and handsome, and he liked him enough to kiss and fool around with. Whenever the older boy went down on him, he tried to ignore the thoughts appearing in his mind. ‘ _He’s not Roxas’_. At some point, though, they were too hard to ignore, and the guilt he felt drove him to break up with Vaan.

He had never told Roxas about Vaan during any of their phone conversations or in any of the texts, just as Roxas had never said anything about his relationships. Sora wasn’t sure if he had dated anyone, though he secretively hoped the answer was no.

Time went by, and he had dated a few other people, but the relationships never lasted. No matter who it was, they weren’t Roxas, and he could never love them how he loved the blond.

After graduating from high school, instead of applying to one of the universities in Radiant Garden or Twilight Town, because that was where Roxas had applied to, both he and Kairi had decided to go to the one that Riku attended, University of Traverse Town, or UTT for short. That was also the year his contact with Roxas had drastically decreased. When he didn’t have any lectures, Roxas did, and even if neither of them were studying, usually at least one of them was working. Usually the blond, who had two different part-time jobs.

It only got worse the following years. The longest they hadn’t talked with each other was four months, which was entirely too long. Roxas was drifting apart from him, living his life in Twilight Town, spending time with his sister and friends, whose names Sora couldn’t remember for the life of him. Even after they got back in touch, the conversation wasn’t really _meaningful_. All Roxas had said was that veterinary was a bitch, and that there really was no use in learning all these bones’ names in _Latin_. Sora complained how game programming was not as easy as the pamphlet had made it out to be when he had been looking into the university’s courses, and then Roxas had to go.

Frankly, Sora missed him. He had missed him ever since the blond moved to Radiant Garden, but the aching and longing only grew as time went by. Roxas has had a huge impact on him, even if he might not have realized it. It was because of him that Sora developed a fascination with keys and science fiction movies. Whenever he saw lasagne on a menu in a restaurant, he’d immediately think of the blond. Hell, even when he was in the store and passed something checkered, he couldn’t help but remember Roxas’ wristband. He missed him so bad, and it hurt to think that slowly, but surely, Roxas had moved on, even if it was the truth. It hurt, because even though Sora had known even before graduating from high school that Roxas’ feelings for him had faded, he himself had been unable to move on.

Sora and Roxas reunited when they were 23, and even then it was simply by pure luck. Riku’s oldest brother, Sephiroth, was getting married. Since the Leonhart and Crescent families had been friends for generations, Sora had also received a wedding invitation. When he saw the location of the ceremony, his heart did a joyful, hopeful flip. _Radiant Garden_.  He had hoped that, during his stay there, maybe he’d run into the blond somehow. What he hadn’t even dreamt of was Roxas attending the same wedding.

When he had first noticed him, his heartbeat both quickened and stopped at the same time. There he was, his first love that he couldn’t move on from, standing proudly in a neat suit. He had grown taller, his wild hair a bit tamer than it was eight years ago, but still brilliant and radiant in colour. Though he hadn’t lost all of his boyish charm, his features sharpened, causing him to look more mature and serious. Most important of all, though, Roxas was stunningly beautiful. He had been pretty and cute when he was fifteen, but at twenty three he was more gorgeous and handsome than anything.

There were quite a lot of people standing around him, some Sora recognized, some he didn’t. It wasn’t hard to tell that the blonde beauty in a light blue dress was Namine. Her hair had grown longer, reaching her mid-back. Despite being taller than before, she only reached Roxas’ shoulders. And her features, just like her brother’s, had matured. She was an incredibly beautiful woman, one that a lot of men surely drooled after. Though, judging by someone else’s hand in her own, they stood no chance.

The person holding Namine’s hand was a girl in a dark purple dress, with short black hair and indigo eyes. She was slightly taller than the blonde, and had her other arm draped around Ventus’ shoulder, who looked so much like his older brother, if only a bit shorter.

There were so many more people standing around Roxas, people that he didn’t know, and it made him feel uneasy. Cold. Unhappy. He was jealous, jealous of all of these strangers who got to stand there with him. It was obvious, even from where he was standing, that they must have been close with the blond. Roxas’ face was relaxed, his lips pulled into a teasing smile as he flickered the black-haired girl’s forehead. He was jealous, because these people were Roxas’ friends. He knew that he should have been happy for him, because he knew the blond wasn’t very good at the whole friendship business, so for him to have opened up to so many people was incredibly. But Sora wasn’t happy, he was far from it. These people have wormed their way into Roxas’ heart and took the brunet’s place. Right now, they were the ones making him happy. Not Sora, but them. And that realization hurt.

“Jeez, your brother sure knows how to throw a party” Kairi said from behind him, and the brunet looked back at his two friends.

Riku looked fancy and important in his expensive suit, his silver hair pulled into a ponytail. He had originally wanted to let it down, but his mother’s glare stopped him from doing it, knowing it would be unwise to make her angry. Lucrecia Crescent was a fearsome being while furious. She wasn’t a CEO of a powerful, well-known around the globe company for nothing after all. And since it was her oldest son’s wedding, she deemed all of her boys’ hairstyles had to be tamed, so that they didn’t end up looking as though they had just woken up.

Kairi herself, who happened to be Riku’s date for the night, looked elegant and mature in her velvet dress that hugged her in all the right places, exploiting her curves. She was dressed to impress, and she was doing damn well. Riku’s mother adored her, not only because of her beauty, but also due to her headstrong attitude. All of Riku’s aunts, uncles, cousins and other relatives also looked impressed with her, and congratulated the silverhaired boy on getting such a sweet, lovely girlfriend.

Kairi and Riku had been dating for the past three months, officially, though unofficially it had been around two years. They were hesitant about starting a relationship, not only because they didn’t want it to have a negative impact on their friendship if something went wrong, but also because they had been worried about Sora. They didn’t want him to feel left out or like they were abandoning him. Actually, they probably wouldn’t have gotten together if the brunet hadn’t yelled at them for being stupid and ‘God, can’t you just kiss already, the sexual tension is driving me nuts!’.

It would be a lie if Sora said that he hadn’t been jealous at all. He had been, but not because the two of them would now kiss on the lips, while he only got a kiss on the cheek. He wasn’t afraid that they would leave him, forget about him. No. Not them. But he had been jealous of their relationship. Of them _having_ a romantic relationship, of them being so obviously in love with each other. He had been afraid that he’d never find someone like that. Not after Roxas. Who, admittedly, he had always hoped would one day realize he still loved Sora as well and the two of them would get married as soon as they were reunited.

He hadn’t expect that they’d be reunited just then, though. He always thought it would take at least a year or two more. Or that, at least, they would have set a certain date so that the brunet could prepare himself mentally. Accidentally running into him during his best friend’s brother’s wedding could _not_ have been healthy for his poor heart.

As if on cue, the woman standing in front of Sora moved, just in time for Roxas’ and his eyes to meet. Blue met blue, and for a horrible moment, the brunet thought the boy, no, man, wouldn’t recognize him. It _had_ been eight years after all.  But then Roxas’ eyes widened, with uncertainty and hope, and then he was saying something to his sister, and suddenly not one but at least a dozen pairs of eyes were staring at him.

“Namine! Roxas!” surprisingly, it wasn’t his own voice, but Kairi’s. His friend rushed past him and all but ran into the blonde girl’s arms. And then his own feet were moving, faster and faster, and he wasn’t sure when exactly he had jumped, but he could feel the warmth radiating from Roxas, heard his surprised squeak when the two of them tumbled to the floor, heard the blond’s heart beat widely in his chest, and all his brain could scream was ‘ _Roxas!_ ”

“Sora” quiet, so quiet and breathy, but it was his voice, it was Roxas’ voice, loud and clear and not at all static, and he was _here_.

“Rox. Roxas. I’m so happy” he snuggled his head against the blond’s chest, not caring that he was ruffling both of their suits and that people were probably staring. No, people were _definitely_ staring, he could hear Roxas’ friends laughing and cooing at them. But it didn’t matter, all that mattered was Roxas, and that he was hugging him again. He had missed the blond’s hugs, his warmth and closeness, had missed _him_.

But all good things had to come to an end, and Ventus and another guy with dirty blond hair and weird mohawk, or maybe mullet?, hair were pulling the two of them up. He was upset at the loss of contact, but perhaps it was for the better. If the brunet had messed up their appearances any more, Riku’s mother would _flip_.

“Aww, who is this cute kid!” the mohawk-mullet guy asked, pinching Sora’s left cheek and cooing at him as though he was a puppy. The others laughed at the brunet’s bewildered expression, even Kairi and Riku and _Roxas_ , and somehow nothing really seemed that important after hearing the blond’s laughter.

But then there _was_ something more important. Roxas’ arm suddenly draped around his shoulder, pulling the two of them closer.

“That’s Sora! And the redhead Nami’s molesting-“

“I am not molesting her Roxas!”

“–is Kairi. Oh, and the guy that looks kinda like Sephiroth is Riku” Roxas introduced, motioning at all of them with his hand.

“You’re right! He does look like Seph! It’s the same glare, but younger! You sure it’s not Kadaj or Yazoo? He looks _a lot_ like Kadaj and Yazoo too” a man with spiky black hair that Sora hadn’t noticed before was looking at Riku with wide, blue eyes and a fascinated smile “Are you a clone? A love child? How is your hair naturally silver? I asked Seph once but he tried to stab me with a fork. And don’t lie, if you’re a clone it’s definitely natural. Aerith told me and there’s no way Seph would dye his pubes! Or would he?”

Riku looked mildly terrified and overwhelmed, clearly not prepared for these kinds of questions concerning his older brother.

“No, look what you did! The Sephiroth clone froze! You broke him, Zack! I’m gonna tell Cloud and you’re so not gonna get any-“

“Could you stop talking about my brother’s sex-life-“

“-for a _week_! Or longer! Look, this one’s actually cute! And you _broke_ him!”

“You wouldn’t dare, Yuffie! Seph clone! Snap out of it! _Seph clone_!” the guy with black hair, who was apparently called Zack, started shaking Riku by his shoulders with an expression of pure desperation, causing another wave of laughter among the group.

As he heard Roxas’ own melodious laughter, the brunet couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed himself. The blond wasn’t the type of person that liked big groups of people, and yet here he was, laughing and joking around with this large group as though it was natural. And, Sora bitterly realized, it probably _was_. These people, this kind of situation, they were probably normal to Roxas by now. He was no longer the broody 15 year old kid, definitely not the 13 year old that only talked to his sister. He was a grown man with good and caring friends that he trusted, whom he was comfortable with, and as selfish as it was, the thought bothered Sora.

“What, what? What’re we laughing about now? Did Dem piss off some lady again? Oh? Who’re these three? Dem, you didn’t kidnap them right? We went through this a hundred times already, no kidnapping cute kids”

“I didn’t kidnap them! Why do you always assume I’m the one doing something weird!” Sora turned his head slightly to see the newcomer. At the same time, Roxas’ arm left his shoulder.

The newly arrived person was a man with the wildest, reddest hair Sora had ever seen. He couldn’t have been much older than the brunet, but damn was he tall. Taller than Riku, even. But it wasn’t the fact that he had just arrived that caused Sora to pay so much attention to him. It wasn’t his red hair or piercing green eyes either. It was the fact that the man approached them, him and Roxas, gave the brunet a quick, curious look before leaning down and kissing the blond on the lips. Short, brief, but enough to fill Sora with coldness, the feeling only worsening when Roxas didn’t pull away, didn’t scowl after the affectionate gesture but _smiled_.

Catching Sora’s gaze, the blond had the decency to blush and step away from the redhead. He cleared his throat, ignoring Riku and Kairi’s equally wide eyes, and his friends’ knowing smirks.

“Dem didn’t kidnap them, Ax. They’re my friends from Destiny Islands. This is Sora, the redhead that Namine finally stopped molesting is Kairi, and the Sephiroth clone-“

“-I’m his brother!”

“-is Riku. Guys, this is Xion, Namine’s girlfriend and my best friend, Zack, Cloud’s husband-to-be, Yuffie, Tifa, Demyx, Zexion, Terra, Aqua and Reno, and you already know Nami and Ven. And finally, this douchebag is Axel, Reno’s younger brother and my fiancé”

Fiancé.

Sora could feel his blood freezing in his veins. _Fiancé_.  Roxas had not only moved on, had not only dated someone else, he was getting married. And judging by the comfortable atmosphere between the two of them, by the lack of hesitation to kiss in front of a huge crowd of people, they weren’t getting married just for the sake of getting married. This man, _Axel_ , had successfully stolen Roxas’ heart, has successfully stolen _Roxas_ from Sora.

He had to get out of there. He had to get away from these people, get away from Roxas and Axel and all these other strangers. Riku and Kairi, sensing his discomfort, rushed to his side, making up quick excuses. How the ceremony would be starting soon, and how Riku, as the groom’s younger brother, had to take place in the first row together with his family.

They said their goodbyes to the group and left as quickly as possible without actually running. Sora didn’t meet Roxas and Namine’s questioning gazes, focused on holding back his tears, berating himself for having been so _naïve_.

He had known. He had known, after all, that Roxas had moved on. That he didn’t love him anymore. But that didn’t stop his heart from breaking all over again, didn’t stop all of his dreams and fantasises from shattering all at once, didn’t stop the tears from welling up in his eyes. Gods, was he childish and naïve in thinking that the blond would never fall in love with someone else ever again. How naïve. How stupid of him.

As he listened to Kairi’s soothing voice, as he felt Riku’s hand squeezing his reassuringly, he tried his hardest to stop the tears from escaping, focusing on Sephiroth standing stiffly and waiting for his bride to appear.

The tears finally fell, though, when he heard the organist playing ‘Here Comes the Bride’, when a pretty brunette with green eyes and a stunning, white wedding gown entered the cathedral and took her place opposite Sephiroth, smiling at him kindly and lovingly and squeezing his hand. He let them fall, as he realized that in few months’ time, Roxas, _his_ Roxas, would be exchanging those same vows with that redheaded stranger, looking equally happy. He let them fall, knowing perfectly well no one, except for Riku and Kairi, would know that they weren’t tears of happiness spilled for Sephiroth and Aerith’s bright future.

And he let them fall as he recalled all those words his friends and mother and teachers and psychologists in TV shows said.

_“Life’s not a fairy tale, you know?”_

And he let them fall as his own brain whispered: “ _I still had the right to hope_ ”

 


	2. We Are a Story Slowly Unfolding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Pairings** : Axel/Roxas, past!Sora/Roxas, Namine/Xion, Demyx/Zexion - mentioned, Zack Fair/Cloud Strife - mentioned, Sephiroth/Aerith Gainsborough - mentioned, past!Axel/Saix - mentioned, past!Zexion/Roxas  
>  **Disclaimer** : I do not own Kingdom Hearts or any of Final Fantasy characters mentioned in the story, they belong to Square Enix. The songs mentioned belong to the artists (they will be listed at the bottom of this story). 
> 
> Chapter II is Axel's take on his relationship with Roxas

**“When you trip over love, it is easy to get up. But when you fall in love, it is impossible to stand again.”**  
**― Albert Einstein**

 

* * *

 

The first time Axel had seen and heard Roxas Strife, he was fifteen, few months shy of turning sixteen. It was a warm, sunny day in mid-April, and everyone seemed to be having a blast. Squealing children chased their friends and parents, couples walked hand-in-hand, birds chirped beautiful songs, the sun was shining brightly, it was a lovely day. For everyone but the redhead, that is.

It had been a bad day for Axel, for various reasons. The bad mark from chemistry, he could survive. Getting in a fist-fight with the school jackass, annoying but not too bad. Getting suspended, not the first time. Hearing his mother’s disappointed tone, the worst. And breaking up with his boyfriend and best friend because he caught him cheating? Even worse.

So to say that Axel was having a bad day was an understatement. He was pissed, the sun was too bright, the people were too loud, the world was too colourful and he wanted some peace and quiet. He had no desire to entertain anyone that had approached him, or so much as looked at him. Granted, he wasn’t exactly in the mood to go back home and actually see the disappointment in his mother’s eyes, not only hear it in her voice through the phone.

While he was walking around the more secluded parts of Radiant Garden, trying to decide what to do with himself, the faintest sound of someone singing caught his interest. Unlike the other songs he’d heard on his way back home from school, this one didn’t seem to fit the good atmosphere of the day. It wasn’t lively or happy, definitely not something teenagers raved to at the local club or listened to on their best days. The voice sounded sad, regretful, and the quiet hum of violin only added to its’ melancholic sound. Unlike the general happiness that most people seemed to be experiencing today, the singer seemed to be in some kind of pain.

Truthfully, that was the only reason Axel had decided to stop in his tracks and listen. Had his mood been different, happiness radiating from him like from all the citizens of this goddamn city, he would have thought the song was too sad, too depressing to listen to on such a pretty day. But his mood was not better, he was angry and sad and a little depressed, and so was the singer, it seemed. And so Axel listened.

“ _Never thought… This day would come so soon. We had no time to say goodbye…”_ the singer was male. Dressed in nothing but black, with his hoodie pulled up, the figure stood in front of one of many waterfalls adorning the area, violin steadily in place. Axel couldn’t really make out any of his features, not with the boy standing with his back turned to the redhead and the hood up, but he seemed fairly short.

“ _How can the world just carry on? I feel so lost when you are not at my side_ ” the figure continued, not at all aware of Axel’s staring. And Axel was staring, enchanted with the singer’s voice. It wasn’t especially extraordinary, though it was definitely beautiful. What captured the redhead the most, though, was the emotion the song was being sung with. The singer’s voice was overflowing with sorrow and longing, with the despair of losing someone important.

As soon as the song had ended, the boy put his violin away and turned around. That was when Axel could finally see his eyes, blue and a little too sad for anyone to have. The redhead could say how they were the deepest, prettiest colour he had ever seen. He could have said how he fell in love with these eyes at first sight. But both of these things would have been a lie. Back then, they were just blue eyes, exactly like all the other thousands of pairs the citizens of Radiant Garden had. The singer, the violinist, the blue-eyed kid, he was just that. He had no special place in Axel’s heart, not then. And as the boy passed the redhead, not sparing him even one glance, Axel didn’t feel the need to stop him, to kiss him. They were strangers who would forget about each other soon.

And true to that statement, not even a month had passed and Axel forgot all about the blue-eyed violinist with a sorrowful voice. Too much shit had happened in his life to bother with remembering every single stranger he’d passed on the streets. After catching Saix cheating on him, the two of them just couldn’t pretend that everything was fine and remain the best of friends they used to be. Things got awkward fast, and their circle of friends broke into two. As though the awkward atmosphere at school wasn’t bad enough, his mother had collapsed from overworking herself.

It was by pure luck that he’d found himself in the same spot, listening to the same boy again. He was walking back home from the hospital. His mother had insisted there was no need for him to come over, seeing as she was feeling much better, but he was persistent. Not in the mood to go directly home, he’d decided to take a little detour. Which is when he had heard the voice. It sounded vaguely familiar, but the redhead couldn’t place where or when he had heard it before. Only when he’d rounded the corner and saw the figure clad in black had he remembered.

“ _Yeah, I know nobody knows, where it comes and where it goes. I know it's everybody's sin, you got to lose to know how to win…_ ” that day’s repertoire seemed less sorrowful than the previous one, as did the singer’s voice. Also, this time the singer didn’t wear his hood up, giving Axel a chance to see his spiky blond hair.

“ _Lived and learned from fools and from sages… You know it's true… All the things come back to you!_ Come on Nam! Sing with me!” another thing, except a slightly more positive sounding song, was that the singer had company that Axel hadn’t noticed before that moment. At first, he was pretty sure the kid was actually talking to him, but then his eyes laid on a petite blonde girl, sitting on one of the many rocks that would no doubt make her pretty white dress dirty, sketchpad in her hand. She shook her head, but the redhead was quite positive he’d heard a giggle.

“ _Sing with me, sing for the year, sing for the laughter, sing for the tear. Sing with me just for today, maybe tomorrow the good lord will take you away…_ ” feeling slight pity for the poor kid, because singing about the possibility of dying the very next day was in no way romantic nor would it help win over someone’s heart, Axel got up and left. Awkward teenage romances were not his thing. Especially when he wasn’t completely over his own awkward teenage romance just yet.

It was during an extremely hot day, under the scorching August sun, that Axel had heard the name ‘Roxas’ for the first time. He had been called out to the small café by Xion, owned by one Mr Scrooge, who had the misfortune of being born to a pair of Charles Dickens’ fanatics. The guy owned the only café in town that served sea-salt ice cream, which, in Axel’s humble opinion, had an orgasmic taste. _Especially_ on an extremely hot day under the scorching August sun. _Especially_ when Xion was the one paying.

Xion was a shy young thing, who was secretly a riot once she trusted you enough. She was a year younger than Axel, though the redhead couldn’t remember how exactly the two of them had met. At one point in his life, probably when he was six or seven, she was just there. She didn’t trust easily, and as far as the redhead was concerned, she had no other friends than the ones they shared. Which was kind of sad, considering all of them were older than her. So when she rushed into café and slammed her hands on the table, successfully startling not only him but all the other customers, he had the right to be surprised.

“I’ve just found out that Namine and Roxas are going to Bastion High!” there were three things that were wrong with the statement. First and foremost, Axel didn’t know anyone named Namine _or_ Roxas. Secondly, it sounded like they were Xion’s friends or something of the sort, if her excitement was anything to go by, and he did _not_ know them. As rude as it was, it was weird to think that Xion had friends the redhead didn’t know. And third, the statement “going to Bastion High” suggested that whoever these two were, they were Xion’s age. And Xion, having friends that Axel didn’t know, who were her age to boot, was as good an apocalypse sign as any.

 “Xi has friends I don’t know! The Earth is crumbling! We’re all going to die!” he clutched at his chest in faked fright, eyes going just a bit wider to add to the comical effect. Clearly not amused, Xion sniffed her nose and sent a glare his way.

“You know, I wanted to pay for your ice cream, but since you’re dying, there’s no point in buying you one, huh!”

“Don’t be such a bi-“ as one of the mothers sent a glare his way, he cleared his throat and tried again “Big meanie, Xion. I’m your _best friend_ ” and as the two continued their playful banter and talked about their plans for the last days of summer, the topic of Xion’s new friends going by the names Roxas and Namine was forgotten.

Unsurprisingly, the topic resurfaced on the first of September, less than a month after Axel’s sixteenth birthday. That day, he’d picked up Xion from her house, successfully avoiding her spastic cousin Yuffie. Though, on the way to school, he’d feared for one brief second that it was the older ninja-wannabe girl that was walking alongside him. Xion was positively glowing, not a normal thing for any average teenager after summer break. Axel had been depressed when his alarm clock started ringing, reminding him of the cruel fate that was school season. School meant lessons and annoying teachers and fucked up tests, quizzes out of goddamn nowhere and irritating kids acting grown up, and having to look at Saix every now and then. School shouldn’t equal happiness, and he’d told his black-haired friend as much.

“But Ax, I’m finally gonna be in the same school as you again! It was terrible for most of last year. And Namine and Roxas are going to be there too. We might even be classmates!” she beamed at him, indigo eyes wide with excitement, and he had no heart to tell her to calm down. The kid had been through enough shit in the past, there was no need to burst her bubble. Though, the closer they got to school, the more spring was in Xion’s step, her enthusiasm making Axel’s mixed irritation and tiredness all the more apparent. But at least he soon found out why she was in such a hurry.

Whatever she had been telling him about, she’d stopped abruptly, eyes going wide. Without a word, she sent a quick apologetic grin Axel’s way and started running, leaving a baffled redhead behind. He’d followed her with his eyes, only now noticing two inconspicuous people she’d approached. He couldn’t really see them well from that distance, especially not with all the people walking towards the school entrance. But, with his curiosity piqued, he’d started walking in their direction. Xion ditched him for them, for goodness’s sake, he had the right to meet the twerps.

And meet the twerps he did. The closer he got, the better he could see the two. The first one, the girl, wearing a white shirt tucked into a light blue skirt, was a blonde girl with big blue eyes. She was laughing at something Xion must have said, hiding a giggle behind her hand. Her companion, slightly taller than her but still relatively short, although also a blond with blue eyes, was dressed in nothing but black. Unless, of course, the white shoelaces counted. And there was no trace of a smile on his face. The longer Axel had started at the boy, the more he couldn’t shake off the feeling that he’d seen him somewhere before. Right before he finally approached them, it had finally clicked.

“Hey, I had no idea you were friends with the singing emo dude” now, some people might have said that Axel was a rude bastard, and he’d agree wholeheartedly. But! No one could tell him that he was unable to get attention of whoever he wanted, seeing as not only Xion, but both of her friends were staring at him as well. 

“Singing?” sadly, it was Xion’s voice that responded. Not like his friend didn’t have a nice voice, because it was relatively pleasant, but he was secretly hoping to get some reaction out of the kid. And maybe his girlfriend.

“Hey! You’re the blonde chick that was there the second time! Can’t believe you actually got the girl with that depressing song of yours, singing emo dude” the two blondes, who Axel could only assume were Roxas and Namine, exchanged amused glances. And then, much to the redhead’s surprise, the boy sent a grin Axel’s way.

“Man, if I hadn’t heard so much about you from Xion, I’d assume you were dumber than she’d told us” most people might have been offended by that statement. But Axel was not like most people, and clearly neither was the blond-haired boy. He was of the same kind as Axel, the type that took no bullshit and probably had a mean right hook. Axel approved of Xion’s friend choice. With that thought in mind, he outstretched his right hand to the blonde boy, a wicked grin on his face. A similar expression was reflected on the other boy’s face, his own hand reaching out to shake with Axel’s.  

“You’re okay, singing emo dude! I’m Axel got it-“

“-memorized, yes. Man, I can’t believe you really say such a lame phrase during introduction. I’m sorry, Xion, I thought you were exaggerating. I’m Roxas. And this” he pointed towards the giggling blonde girl with a particularly nasty grin “is my _twin_ , Namine”

And that was how Axel had made his new second best friend. Not. Not _yet_ , anyway.

At first, they could hardly be considered friends. After meeting the blond, things have been going pretty well. Roxas answered most of questions that Axel, and later on also Demyx, had asked, even though the answers were pretty vague and not very informative. And, even though the blond hadn’t said that to his face, the redhead was pretty certain if it wasn’t for his sister and Xion, he wouldn’t have even agreed to sit with them during lunch. Ah, lunch. The downfall of something that could have been, and was, but much much later in the future, the start of a beautiful friendship.

Things have been going well until Marluxia arrived. Demyx was in the middle of telling their little group about his vacations in his hometown, Atlantica, which was apparently the best place to go if you wanted to swim. Even though Namine seemed to be the only one truly listening to his story, and probably more out of politeness than genuine curiosity, Demyx did not mind. In fact, as soon as he realized that even one person was listening to him, his excitement grew tenfold, much to Axel’s dismay. He felt like cursing Xion and Roxas, since the two of them had taken to talking in hushed whispers on the other side of the table. Demyx was just getting started on his tale of swimming together with dolphins when Marluxia had arrived.

Marluxia was a very particular individual. He had pink hair, for one. Judging by his appearances, most people would expect him to be some flamboyant homosexual with a stereotypical squeaky voice. And while the flamboyant part was down to the T, nothing else was correct. He had an unusually deep voice, and a history of so many past girlfriends that the whole gang had stopped counting after the twelfth one. And that was _before_ Marluxia entered high school, too. He had nothing against homosexual people, but had claimed to have never been attracted to a man ever before. Axel had always found it ironic, that the one straight guy in their small circle of friends, because it had gone down to three people after the whole Axel-Saix break up fiasco, had gardening for a hobby. And he was unnaturally fixed on roses, too. The guy spent so much time among roses that he had even started to smell like one at some point in his life.

Now, normally, Axel would have rejoiced to have Marluxia joining him, because that meant he had someone he could talk to while ignoring Demyx’s never-ending chatter. That day, however, the pink-haired boy was possibly even worse of a company than Demyx. The problem with Marluxia’s heterosexuality was his everlasting look of a hunter, just waiting for the perfect prey to flirt with, grope, make out with, and quite possibly screw, not necessarily in that order. Before the redhead could react, his friend had smoothly slid into the seat next to Namine, his right hand reaching for the girl’s thigh.

The squeak from the blonde-haired girl, Axel had expected. The knife that was suddenly stabbed next to Marluxia’s left hand, lying innocently on the table, with the precision and viciousness of a serial killer, he had not. Startled, Marluxia yelped, staring at the sharp object with wide eyes.  Even Demyx had stopped his tale of wonders, stiff with fright. Before the redhead could even realize what was going on, Roxas had stood up and pulled Marluxia by his shirt, glare deadlier than any poisonous snake’s.

“If you touch my little sister one more time, I’m gonna make sure I stab some actual flesh”

And as ridiculous as it sounded, that was the last Axel had heard from Roxas for the following half a year. Clearly not trusting Marluxia and any of his male friends, which included both Demyx and Axel, the blond avoided them like the plague. And if he so much as saw any of them lurking close to his baby sister, boy. He put the term ‘death glare’ to shame, that Axel had to hand to him.

All in all, the redhead was only slightly disappointed at the loss of a potential friend. He was a pretty cool guy, even if the two of them didn’t have the chance to talk all that much. The kid was hiding something, and at first, Axel had really wanted to find out what exactly it was. But after the little incident during lunch and the blond’s overreaction, he decided it wasn’t really worth it. The guy was being too overdramatic and blew things way out of proportions. Personally, Axel had thought it was very unfair of Roxas to give the stink eye to him and Demyx, while it was clearly only Marluxia’s fault. Being used to judgmental pricks, he’d decided right that very moment that the blond just wasn’t worth it.

But it didn’t mean he still hadn’t heard more and more about the kid. Roxas and Xion were apparently classmates, and she’d often ditch their table to sit with the blond and his sister during lunch. Axel would have been offended if he weren’t so happy for her. His little best friend was growing up, making friends all on her own, and he was so proud of her. All sarcasm aside, that was the actual truth. Xion wasn’t very trusting, and her seemingly shy demeanour wasn’t exactly appreciated during social events. So her getting friends was a good thing, especially since Roxas and Namine sat with three other girls. On the days Xion was absent from their group, Marluxia would often call the blond’s table the “Unholy Harem Table”, clearly unhappy with seeing the kid that almost stabbed him surrounded by five girls, even if one of them was his own sister.

Anyway, Xion had become close with both Namine and Roxas, which led to Axel having to listen to how amazing the twins were whenever the two of them met up for some alone time. Of course, it wasn’t all they’d talked about, but during every little rendezvous, he’d find out something more about the two blondes, even if he didn’t particularly care. How Namine wasn’t very fond of the darker colours or how great she was at art, or how Roxas was really good at biology and dissed their math teacher in hushed whispers, causing Xion to almost choke with laughter, only to be glared at by good old professor Kramer.

Axel was quite convinced his best friend had a crush on _both_ of the twins, considering all the gushing, which was very unlike her. Because that’s what it was. Gushing. Xion had never gushed about things in the past, unless sea-salt ice cream counted. No, it was more of her cousin’s, Yuffie’s expertise area. Xion was the calmer one, the more shy one, the quieter one. Ever since the twins had moved to Radiant Garden, though, his black-haired friend had become more energetic and cheerful. It might have had to do with Roxas snapping at anyone that so much as looked at her the wrong way, though. If there was one thing Axel had to hand to him, it was his determination to be an overprotective ball of fury. Which, in this particular case, was a good thing. Xion had not been bullied since late May, apparently.

“Axel! Roxas sang for me!” Axel’s head shot up, startled by her suddenly slamming hands on the table, a giddy expression on her face. He had briefly wondered what was so amazing about it, before he remembered that sometime in November she had mentioned how ‘Roxas only sings for people he cares for and loves’ or something of the sort. Which, in Axel’s humble opinion, was pretty darn corny.

“That’s great Xi. He loves you back. Go get him, tiger” he had honestly meant for his voice to sound more enthusiastic, but god, he was tired. He was getting ready to doze off again when another sound startled him out of his stupor. Xion was laughing at him.

“Oh my god, you think I have the hots for Roxas? This is so golden!”

That was the day he had found out a few life-changing things. Apparently, Xion did have a crush, but it was neither Roxas or Namine. It was the other blonde chick that shared the table with the twins, the one with trillion beads in her hair, Rikku. Also, Roxas’ singing for her had nothing to do with him seeing her in a romantic way, but him considering her an important friend. Apparently, he had told her she was like another little sister to him. When Axel had expressed his scepticism at the lame excuse, she’d laughed again and, with delight, confessed that Roxas admitted to being gay months ago. Now, the redhead wasn’t sure if she was supposed to say that, and he’d told her as much, but she’d only laughed again, and told him that Roxas was openly in a relationship with another boy from school as of winter break. And, hearing who it was, was probably the biggest surprise of Axel’s sixteen year old life.

Despite being a year younger than Axel, Zexion Wise was the same grade as him. He was considered the smartest student the whole of Bastion High had seen in years, and was also the principal’s, Ansem Wise’s, grandson. He kept his nose in the book most of his life, and went about ignoring all the people that he deemed unworthy of his attention. Which was everyone, excluding the teachers, his grandparent and Vexen and Lexaeus. While he understood how Vexen and Zexion had become friends, considering they were both relatively creepy, the redhead could never figure out how exactly Lexaeus and Zexion’s friendship came to be. Lex was a bit weird, but he was a nice guy and pretty easy to talk to.

Also, the other thing about Zexion was that everyone believed he way asexual. Or booksexual, whatever. The guy had never, not once, batted his eyelashes at anyone. No one had really ever seen him smiling either, and the rumours said he was secretly the lord of the underworld. Though he had some admirers, and by that Axel of course meant the dumb, hopeful fools, who wanted to see Wise’s notes before exams, he wasn’t the most popular person the school had seen. Hell, saying ‘crush’ and ‘Zexion’ in the same sentence seemed just _wrong_.

So seeing Zexion, the same grouchy sourpuss emo nerd, holding hands with someone seemed even _more wrong_. Especially when that someone was Roxas Strife, of all people. Roxas Strife, who had not been in Radiant Garden for even a year, and had already managed to knock down Zexion’s defence walls. It just seemed surreal, and Axel honestly couldn’t care less that he had been gaping at the pair for the past five minutes. He was not the only one, at least. He also couldn’t care less that Demyx had been trying to hold him back before he could march towards the pair. Demyx had failed.

“So if _you’re_ gay, and _I’m_ gay, why can’t we be friends Roxas?” the blond looked slightly bewildered at the question, as did his sister and boyfriend, but it didn’t really matter. Roxas seemed like a fun person once he was on your side, or at least that’s what Axel had gathered from all of Xion’s stories. Plus sitting with just Demyx and Marluxia, and occasionally Xion or Larxene, had really gotten boring fast.

“Your friend harassed my sister” Axel was impressed, truly. He had never before heard someone say the word ‘friend’ with such venom and hatred. Admirable. He wanted to be friends with that kid.

“Yeah, _Marly_ harassed your sister. Not me. If I were suicidal, between the two of you twerps, I’d harass you, not your sister” both Zexion and Roxas had looked rather unimpressed at the statement, though Namine tried, and failed, to stifle a giggle behind her hand. Just when Axel thought he’d get the mean right hook he always believed the blond-haired boy had, Roxas had just smirked at him.

“Fair enough”

And _that_ was how Axel and Roxas’ majestic friendship had _truly_ come to be. Ever since that day, the twins, along with Zexion and Xion, had always shared the table during lunch with Axel’s group. They were occasionally accompanied by the three girls that the twins had sat with before, Yuna, Rikku and Paine, though the trio usually preferred to be on their own. It was amazing how much someone could learn about another person during a short break for lunch.

Axel had been shocked when he’d discovered that Zexion could not only smile, but also laugh. Hell, the kid even told jokes, though they were usually hard to understand. But once Axel _did_ finally understand one, boy, he couldn’t stop laughing for the rest of the day. Roxas, who seemed to be the only one who understood all of his boyfriend’s jokes, was a nice addition to their group as well. Just like the redhead had predicted, once the blond had stopped holding a grudge against Marluxia, he turned into a fun and witty companion, who proved to be an excellent evil-plotting partner. Even Namine, who had appeared to be pretty quiet and reserved at first, turned out to have a humour similar to the group’s. The first time she’d sworn, and like a professional sailor at that, Demyx had choked on his food and Axel ended up spilling water all over the table, staring at her in shock.

“Uncle Cid’s been a bad influence on her” was all Roxas had said on that matter. Namine shoved him, hard, causing the group to laugh. The longer Axel sat with the twins, and with Zexion as well, the more he could see why Xion had talked about them with so much excitement and happiness. They were good kids, and the redhead truly couldn’t remember how dull his life must have been without Zexion’s snide remarks, Roxas’ sarcastic responses, or Namine’s surprisingly spiteful comments about certain teachers.

The first time Axel and the rest of the group were invited to the twin’s house was the moment the redhead had realized how little he truly knew about his two friends. He had noticed how both of the blondes always said ‘Uncle’ or ‘Aunt’, not once talking about their parents. He had noticed how distant Roxas’ eyes would get sometimes when Demyx talked about his mother’s cooking, or how Namine had multiple drawings of a couple of adults, both of them blond with blue eyes, looking eerily similar to the twins, only older, and how she’d look at the drawings with a sad smile. But Axel had never had actual proof that something was wrong with Roxas and Namine’s parents. For all he knew, they could have been on a business trip or something. Except they weren’t.

The twin’s home was not what the redhead had expected, for many reasons. For one, it was quite big. It was also painted the brightest, greenest paint the owners could have possibly found in any of the paint stores. There were only three houses in the eternity of Radiant Garden that stood out, and they were the mansion the Wise family owned, the green monstrosity known as the Highwind Residence, and the rainbow-coloured disaster that belonged to that old loony, Merlin. Axel had no doubt that the house the twins were inviting them to belonged to the Highwind family. 

“Dude, I know you said your uncle’s name was Cid, but you never it was _the_ Cid Highwind” Demyx voiced the thought of the entire group, giving the house one more good suspicious glance before uncertainly following the twins inside.

If the outside of the house was bewildering, then the inside of it was even more so. Not because of the weird furniture, but because of the amount of people that were inside it. Axel did a double take when he’d noticed Yuffie, Xion’s crazy cousin, sitting on some black-haired guy’s shoulders. The instant their group of six marched in, everyone bustling around turned to look at them. Upon noticing the twins, they had all greeted them, some more excited than the others.

That was the day Axel had met some really weird people. There was Zack Fair, the black-haired guy that was carrying Yuffie around, who seemed to be sugar high constantly. Then there was a very pretty brunette, a pink bow in her hair, with a very gentle voice and gaze, going by the name Aerith Gainsborough. Next to her was another girl, Tifa Lockhart, with possibly the most impressive breasts and the strongest punch, if the blood flowing from Marluxia’s punched nose was anything to go by. Then there was Cloud, and Axel tried his hardest not to snort at the name, who was apparently the twins’ older brother. The redhead finally understood where Roxas’ glare came from. In another room, the twins’ younger brother, Ventus, was watching a film with Aqua and Terra, two teenagers that Axel somewhat remembered from his elementary school days. They were a year younger than him, and had apparently gone to Radiant High.

“That’s… that’s a lot of people, Roxas. I… why was Yuffie here?” Xion had asked, sounding as bewildered as the rest of the group felt. 

“Aunt Shera will be making her ‘Shera Special’ today” was all the blond had said, as though the answer had been satisfying. Which it wasn’t.

Namine had quickly pulled Xion towards her room, stating that the black-haired girl had dibs as her best friend, and Axel held back all the comments when he saw Xion’s face lighting up with pure happiness. So with a shrug, he’d followed Roxas to the blond’s room.

And that room was the place where he’d finally found out things about Roxas, things that were more personal and less shallow than he’d told them back at school. About his hometown, Twilight Town, which would be apparently ideal if it weren’t for some dumb guy named Seifer. About Destiny Islands and how it was never cold there, unlike in Radiant Garden. About his hopes of becoming a veterinarian one day. About his parents’ and their sudden death less than a year ago. About how Ventus was finally getting better again, talking to them again. About his aunt and uncle, who had been nothing but kind to the siblings.

And as Roxas spoke, Marluxia and Zexion remained grimly silent, Demyx had started bawling as soon as he’d heard about the blond’s parents’, and Axel was unconsciously squeezing Roxas’ hand with his own in quiet support. And when the blond glanced at their linked hands, he gave the redhead a shaky smile, but a smile nonetheless, squeezing back. Axel, feeling as though it was the first _real_ smile the blond had shown to him, grinned back. Neither of them noticed Zexion’s gaze.

Roxas and Zexion had broken up at the beginning of March. Unlike Axel and Saix’s messy fallout, the two had decided to revert to being just friends on peaceful terms. The redhead had been quite sceptical about it, not really believing in the whole ‘Let’s just be friends’. But, surprisingly enough, the two managed to pull it off. The atmosphere at the table was not any weirder or more awkward than on any other day. The only difference was that Roxas and Zexion’s hands wouldn’t be linked in the halls when the two walked besides each other.

On the 3rd of April, Namine and Roxas had been absent from school. The group knew very well why, having memorized the date the first time it had been mentioned. None of them had really felt very hungry that day, each of them trying to think of a good way to show their support to their friends. And so, late at night, Axel had called Roxas. Not asking how he felt, not asking what he’d been doing all day, no. He’d just told him all about how that old loony Merlin, who also happened to be Axel’s chemistry teacher, almost blew up the lab because he forgot to put on his glasses. He’d also mentioned how Demyx had accidentally spilled orange juice on Rhapsodos’, their literature teacher’s, hair. And even though Roxas’ voice sounded a bit dull, he was fairly certain that the quiet laughter wasn’t forced.

It’s strange, how a single conversation can change so much. After that one particular phone call, the two of them had become the best of friends. Despite getting along really well even before that, afterwards they had become almost inseparable. Axel hadn’t known the kid for even a year, and had already felt like he could trust him with his life. Which, he admitted even to himself, was one of the corniest things he’d ever thought.

Sometimes, Xion would wiggle her eyebrows at the two of them suggestively, and both of them would flip her off at the same time, which only fuelled her amusement. Axel wasn’t stupid and was well aware of what she had been hinting at. ‘ _You like each other’_ , her knowing smile seemed to tease. At the time, the redhead hadn’t really thought much about it. As far as he was concerned, Roxas was one of his best friends, nothing more, nothing else. And back then, that was true.

He realized that Xion had been right all along during a scorching hot August day. The group was sitting in one of the many parks, each of them with an ice cream in their hand. Larxene had joined them that day, deeming them less boring than her other friends. No one was really sure if it was a compliment or not, even though Larxene seemed to think that it was. The other friends she was talking about happened to be their, sans the twins’, old friends.

Larxene was the only person that refused to pick a side after Axel’s and Saix’s break up fiasco, and while she mostly hung out with Saix’s group, sometimes she’d randomly come over to their table and steal Demyx’s fries, or pinch Roxas’ cheek just for the sake of getting a reaction out of him. For one terrifying moment in Roxas’ life, she had even fancied him, before deciding he was more like a little _sister_ than a lover candidate. Unsurprisingly, the blond haired boy had been relieved and didn’t even complain at being called a sister. Axel could sympathize. Being fancied by Larxene was a terrifying and life changing experience.

That day, it had been her that started the game of Truth or Dare. Most of the present, except Demyx and Namine, had voiced their disapproval. But Larxene was never one to care.

“So, Roxy-babe. Tell me all about your first love. And that includes all the juicy parts. Did you two fuck? Blew each other, because you’re so gay it’s impossible it could have been a chick? Or were you a lousy Mr Goody Good and barely held his hand? Was my wittle Woxy-babe too wittle?” Roxas looked mildly enraged, but tried to hold it in as Demyx patted his shoulder in sympathy.

“My first love was a boy that is too kind for his own good. He was friends with everyone, even if not everyone was aware of that. At first, I thought that he was annoying. Because, truthfully, he kind of was. After we, my family and I, had moved to Destiny Islands, he kept bothering me. He said that he wanted to be friends, but I really wasn’t looking for any, you know? I had Nami”

“Well doesn’t that sound familiar” Axel muttered under his nose, earning a snicker from everyone but Roxas, who simply shot him a glare.

“Fuck off, Axel. Anyway, Nami went and made friends with Kairi, and Kairi was friends with Sora, that’s his name, and there was no way I was leaving her alone, no, shut the fuck up Marly. So anyway, he kept talking and talking, and at one point I actually started paying attention. And well, shit happened and we actually became friends. We had this spot where we’d go to talk, just the two of us, and it was nice. So one day I kissed him. And we became a couple. And, you know, he’d tell me the strangest things sometimes. One I’ll never forget is that Donald Duck nightmare he had” much to everyone’s surprise, the blond had actually laughed out loud at that one. Namine smiled slightly, clearly knowing what he was talking about “Man, the Donald Duck nightmare. It was amazing. He… he had a really impressive imagination, you know? Sometimes, I’d wondered if he was on drugs or something. Heh. Always knew how to cheer me up too. I loved him, I really did. My mother adored him too. She… his mother was homophobic, so when my mom just accepted us he was… lost, to say the least. But he fit in. With the family, I mean. He, uhm… Anyway, we never had sex, Larx. We gave each other blowjobs but that’s it. Anyway, we broke up after my parents’ death because I had to move to Radiant Garden”

Ignoring Larxene’s hissy whisper of ‘weak’ when the blond had confessed to not having had sex with his first love, Axel realized that his stomach was clenched rather painfully. Roxas had talked about the boy with such gentleness, saying how he had fit in with the family, saying how he had _loved_ him. Axel didn’t like it. And what he disliked even more was not liking Roxas’ affection for whoever that guy was. Because that indicated that, for one reason or another, Axel had been jealous. And getting jealous after such a story could only mean one thing, one thing that the redhead wasn’t ready to admit just yet.

“Do you still love him?” Axel hadn’t realized he was the one speaking until everyone was looking at him, and then back at Roxas’ expectantly. The blond’s blue eyes, though, and had they always been so fucking blue?, stared into his, unblinking.

“One question per round, Ax” was the answer, and the redhead paid no attention to Namine, Xion and Marluxia’s knowing smirks. He didn’t even pay much attention to whatever Demyx was doing after picking the dare. He was too caught up with his own thoughts concerning Roxas. Roxas, who was such a sarcastic, witty little shit, his best friend, a feisty, plotting asshole, a genuinely nice and attractive guy. Roxas, who made it all too easy to like him. 

Despite the newfound revelation of liking Roxas, Axel had not started to act any differently. At first, he was expecting to feel just a little uneasy around the blond. But, as he’d later found out, he actually felt even more comfortable. The little touches and the shared smiles, instead of making him nervous, made his chest burst with warmth he hadn’t felt for a long time. It didn’t take long for him to fall.

The event that caused Axel’s crush to turn into full-blown love was one that he remembered both with horror and affection at once.

After a year of relative peace, Axel’s mother had to be rushed to the hospital due to serious stomach pains. It was a chilly November afternoon. She had been feeling unwell for the past few days, but still insisted on working. Axel had been unhappy with her decision, but knew once she had decided on something, there was no talking her out of it. She was more stubborn than both of her sons, which was an impressive feat, especially when said sons were Axel and Reno.

When Axel had received the call from the hospital, he had felt sick and dropped his phone. Upon hearing the noise, Roxas, who had come over to study for a chemistry exam,  rushed into the kitchen and asked what was wrong. After the redhead had explained the situation, the blond tried to calm him down, at the same time calling his older brother and asking for a lift. Cloud had arrived within minutes, and taken the both of them to the hospital. He’d asked if he should stay with them, but Roxas just shook his head, quickly following in Axel’s footsteps and rushing towards the building.

She had ovarian cancer. As far as the doctors could tell, it was in the earliest phase and therefore should be easily treatable. The stomach-ache she’d had was most likely unrelated to the cancer, but it helped detect it fast. The doctors were positive that her life wasn’t in danger as long as the operation was performed quickly enough. Despite hearing all of the quite positive prognosis, though, the redhead had been nearly in hysterics. His mother was still having some tests ran on her and they couldn’t see her just yet.

“Ax. Axel, she’s going to be fine. Didn’t you hear the doctors?” Roxas put his hand on his shoulder gently, squeezing it reassuringly. The redhead looked up at him, taking a shaky breath.

“What if the operation goes wrong? What if there are complications? I can’t lose her Rox” later on, he’d realized that he had acted like a whiny little baby. But after hearing that his mother had cancer, not much else had registered.

“You won’t. There won’t be any complications” Axel rested his head against the blond’s shoulder, squeezing his eyes tightly to prevent the tears from escaping. Roxas pulled him closer, his arms wrapping around the redhead’s shoulder.

“ _It's like a storm… That cuts a path. It breaks your will… It feels like that. You think you're lost… But you're not lost on your own. You're not alone_ ” quietly, so quietly that only the two of them could hear it, the blond allowed himself to sing. Upon hearing Roxas’ voice, some of the tension left Axel’s shoulders, and the redhead found himself returning the tight embrace.

“‘ _Cause I will stand by you, I will help you through, when you've done all you can do, If you can't cope… I will dry your eyes, I will fight your fight, I will hold you tight, and I won't let go…_ ” as Roxas continued to sing, the two of them remained in an embrace, not minding the weird stares they were attracting. With each word of the song, Axel calmed down ever so slightly, remembering what the doctors had said. How the prognosis wasn’t negative, how his mother had been lucky that the cancer had been detected so quickly. Even long after Roxas had stopped singing, the two of them stayed snuggled with each other, waiting for Axel’s mother’s tests to be over.

It was the first time Roxas had met her. Just like Axel thought, she’d taken to him immediately, gushing over his lovely blond hair and pretty eyes. She’d thanked him for taking care of her big dumb baby, to which Axel protested loudly, ignored by the laughing pair. She’d said nothing when Axel automatically caught and squeezed Roxas’ hand, instead talking about what the doctors had told her. She had had an operation planned for a week from then, and would need to rest for at least six months afterwards. But she would be fine.

“Awh, how could you ever think I’d leave you? I need to see you boys married first” she pulled him into an embrace right then, running one of her hands soothingly through his hair. Roxas, not wanting to disturb, had tried to quietly sneak out, but she caught him and forced him to join the hug.

Two days after that incident, Axel had realized he was in love with Roxas. The blond had refused to leave his side, announcing he’d be sleeping over until his brother could come back home from Midgar and look after the redhead.

“You’re an amazing cook Ax, yes, but so what if I can’t even trust your big dumb ass to cook for yourself?” it was astonishing, how well Roxas had known him. Axel hated being alone more than anything, and seldom felt anything more than loneliness during those times. He would have probably not cooked for himself if he were alone. “The guys wanted to come but I figured you’d want some space. Dem and Marly can get a bit overbearing”

And as Axel woke up next to Roxas’ warmth the following day, as the blond walked around in Axel’s hoodie, as he’d complimented the redhead’s cooking skills and eaten the served food with the most delighted expression, as he’d hummed while washing the dishes, as he’d grinned at him and squeezed his hand in support, Axel realized how much he wanted this to be a routine. He’d realized how much he wanted to wake up next to the blond, to eat with him and to listen to his humming. To do mundane things, like washing the dishes or watching some dumb cartoon together. It was bizarre, how much Axel didn’t want to let go of Roxas’ hand that very minute, his chest blooming with warmth.

Before, during and after his mother’s operation, Roxas and his other friends had been there, offering support. The hospital staff was rather unhappy with the amount of rowdy teenagers and young adults alike, but Ms Sinclair refused to listen to their complains. She’d been thrilled to see not only both of her sons, but also their closest friends. The first few days after the operation, she hadn’t felt quite strong enough to amuse them much, but as the days went by, she’d told them all the embarrassing stories of Axel and Reno’s pasts, much to the two redheads’ embarrassment, and to the delight of everyone else. And even as Roxas’ hand squeezed Axel’s, the redhead refused to meet the blond’s amused blue eyes.

It could seem like their relationship hadn’t changed at all, but that was a lie. Over the course of months, slowly and subtly, Axel and Roxas’ behaviour around each other changed. Everyone could notice how the redhead would light up whenever the blond was mentioned, or how Roxas wouldn’t complain when Axel, and only Axel, called him ‘Roxy’. He’d still snapped at everyone else, his twin sister included. No one, not even the two of them, had ever said anything when Roxas and Axel were holding hands. It was never during walks, just when they were sitting down. One of them would catch the other’s hand and squeeze, and their joint hands would remain like that for the rest of the meeting. They had never kissed, but everyone could notice the gentle gaze Axel had whenever he’d run his hands through the blond’s hair, or the content look Roxas would get in his eyes whenever the redhead rested his head against Roxas’ shoulders. They had never said ‘I love you’ properly back then, but Axel made lasagne for the blond at least twice a month, and Roxas sang whenever the two of them were alone.

Axel had admitted to being in love with Roxas out loud for the first time in early May. Not to the blond, no. At first he’d only told Xion, who grinned that shit eating grin of hers and patted him on the shoulder, declaring that she’d known before even the redhead himself did. Apparently, it was her duty as his best friend. The second person he’d told was Demyx, who started squealing so loudly that the two of them got kicked out of the café. Namine and Zexion had both just given him those pitiful, knowing smiles, both declaring that they weren’t blind and that anyone could see his attraction. And Marluxia and Larxene had thrown a party for ‘Baby Axel Manning Up’, which was understood by everyone in the group but Roxas.

Despite the obvious attraction, despite everyone knowing, neither Axel nor Roxas had said anything about their feelings. Not until the redhead was packed and waiting for the train to Twilight Town with Demyx, Zexion, Marluxia and Larxene in mid-August. The group, along with the redhead’s mother, walked to the side, trying to give the two of them some space.

“Rox-“ but Axel’s words had been cut off by a pair of lips, gently pressing against his own. Short, brief, loving and meaningful.

“One year Ax. One year. If we still feel… _this_ , then we’ll do something about it. I don’t… you’ve been in love before, Axel. So have I. Sora was… remember when you asked me, last year, if I still loved him? I didn’t. I didn’t love him anymore back then, and I felt shitty about it. I felt like I should have loved him, you know? It had been only a _year_ and my feelings faded just because he wasn’t there anymore. I don’t… When I talk with him, I can still sometimes hear it in his voice, you know? This… this longing, or whatever, for me. And I know that he still cares about me, and it makes me feel all the worse because I don’t, not in a way he’d want me to. Not… not since… And, and I don’t want to experience the same thing with you. Feelings are fickle. But you’re my best friend. No matter what happens, you’re my best friend and we’re not allowed to drift apart after an awkward break up or whatever. We’re not gonna see each other for a year, except when you come back for holidays and stuff. So if this… if _this_ is still there when I go to Twilight Town next year, if it’s there on _both_ of our sides, we’ll do something about it then. Okay?”

And Axel kissed him, short and brief and loving, much like the blond had done just minutes before, before pulling away and grinning.

“Yeah, Roxy. You’ve got yourself a deal” and with a surprisingly light heart, the redhead boarded the train with his other friends, waving goodbye to his mother, to Namine and Xion, and to Roxas. He hadn’t been rejected, and whatever there was between them, both of them had acknowledged it, just postponed its’ inventible power up.

During the months of their separation, they had both been busy. Axel had found a part-time job in one of the many restaurants, and when the owner had discovered that he was an aspiring chef, she’d even allowed him to observe the kitchen staff and even help out every other time. At the same time, Roxas had dedicated most of his time to cramming, as the Twilight Town Medical University, or TTMU, offered a great course in veterinary, but was quite hard to get into.

When Axel went back to Radiant Garden for Christmas, he’d heard the news of the year. Not only had his brother found a girlfriend, whom he was apparently serious about, _Xion_ had found a girlfriend as well. And his best friend’s sweetheart turned out to be none other than Namine Strife. Both of the girls laughed at Axel’s unbelieving expression, and as if to prove that they had been telling the truth, shared a quick kiss, making his green eyes all the wider.

“I had no idea you were into chicks, Nam” was all he’d said before clapping both of them on the shoulders, secretly pleased with how happy the two girls looked. Four years before then, Xion had rarely even smiled, so seeing her like that, grinning from ear to ear, with one arm around Namine’s waist and the other around Roxas’ shoulder made him extremely happy. He’d met Roxas’ gaze, the boy looking equally pleased and content with the blooming relationship between his sister and best friend. An unspoken ‘Just a few more months’ had the two of them grinning.

And as the months followed, Axel’s love for the blond kept growing. They texted each other every day, talking about everything and nothing. About Xion and Namine, who Roxas had walked into when the black-haired girl’s hand was in Namine’s pants. About Demyx, who had accidentally flooded their flat and how everyone, not just the mullet/mohawk haired boy had to listen to Zexion’s lecture. And boy, was it a long lecture. About how Axel’s mother kept inviting Roxas, Namine and Xion over, and how the blond now knew all of the redhead’s embarrassing past experiences, including the one that involved setting fire to a garden gnome. About how Reno’s girlfriend turned out to be Roxas’ older brother’s ex-girlfriend, Tifa, the one with the extra mean punch. About how Roxas had walked in on Cloud and Zack getting it on in the bathroom, and how mentally scarred that had left him.

“Now you just have to walk in on Ventus with someone, huh?”

“Fuck you dude. You try walking in on Reno and Tifa screwing against the washing machine in your own fucking bathroom and we’ll see if your sense of humour is still that glamorous”

And finally, finally, the months had passed and Roxas, Xion and Namine’s graduation arrived. Axel and the gang had come back, watching the ceremony, but mostly watching Axel and Roxas’ unbreakable staring contest with pleased smirks. The smirks only stretched wider when, after getting squished by his aunt and uncle, his brothers and their friends, Roxas had quickly approached the redhead, both of them moving at the same time.

As Roxas’ arms wound around his neck, and as his own rested against the younger boy’s hips, their lips met in a kiss that was in no way gentle. It was desperate, desperate to convey all the feelings, desperate to make up for at least a bit of the time they had lost together, desperate to show that whatever was between them had not disappeared but grown stronger. Ignoring Zack, Yuffie, Demyx and Marluxia’s wolf-whistles, Axel licked Roxas’ bottom lip, seeking entrance and gaining it. They’d ignored all the stares, too focused on tasting each other, learning each other, memorizing each other.

And as they finally pulled away, both of them grinned, resting their foreheads against each other.

“Is this a good moment to act like a corny main character from one of the stupid chick flicks Marly watches and tell you that I’m in love with you?”

“Only if it’s a good moment to act like the corny main character’s love interest and telling you that I’m in love with you too”

And they ignored Demyx yell of ‘ _Finally!_ ’, their lips meeting once more.

Despite having a year of separation to make up for, they had decided to take it slow. Roxas rented a flat together with Namine and Xion, while Axel stayed with Demyx and Zexion. They had gone on countless dates and found their spot, the one that used to be Roxas’ and only his before he had moved to Destiny Islands. The clock tower might not have seemed like the most romantic place, but to them, it was. It was a place where they could be together, just the two of them, and watch the sunset. Sometimes, Namine and Xion would join them, and they’d spend hours talking about pointless things.

The first time they slept together, it was winter break and it was cold outside. Unlike Xion, Namine, Marluxia and Larxene, they had decided to stay in Twilight Town. Roxas had more peace here rather than back home, which he needed in order to learn all the useless Latin names for his upcoming exam, and Axel had officially became an apprentice of the chef who cooked in the restaurant where the redhead worked part-time. Since the girls went back home, Axel was staying over with Roxas to keep him company and make sure he got at least three hours of sleep every night. That day was meant to be just like all the others.

Roxas was taking a break from studying, for the sake of watching The Godfather together with his boyfriend. Halfway into the film, though, the blond found a better occupation for his lips than eating popcorn, and that was kissing and sucking Axel’s neck. Not like the redhead minded, his own hand wandering under the blond’s shirt. After Roxas had climbed on his lap, their lips moving against each other hungrily, things had progressed quickly, and they had taken the matters to the bedroom.

The first time was far from perfect, as neither of them could really take it seriously enough, but it gave them a bit more experience and determination to try again. And again. _And again_.

The experience of a week-long sleepover helped them decide to move in together as soon as summer started. They had announced as much to their other flatmates, ignoring the knowing smirks sent their ways.

And come summer, the two of them had indeed moved in together. The flat wasn’t exactly big, but it allowed pets and was close to the clock tower, two aspects which were more important than size. Ever since Roxas had started working as a volunteer at the local animal shelter, he’d been hinting that he wants to adopt one, or hopefully _all_ of the animals the shelter had to offer. And though both of them knew adopting all of them was impossible, Axel had agreed to look at the furballs.

Eventually they left the shelter with not one, but two animals by their side. The first one, a fiery red cat that Roxas had insisted they name Garfield, kept following them around the shelter, a notion so cute both of them instantly fell in love. And the second, a mongrel without the left eye who they had lovingly called Don, after Don Vito Corleone, looked too lonely for either of them to bear. And so they had entered their new flat with two additional family members.

Over the course of the following years, Axel and Roxas’ relationship had its’ ups and downs. Just like all couples, the two of them had argued every now and then, but never about anything too serious. Sometimes good things came from their arguments, aside for make-up sex. One of their arguments helped Demyx and Zexion get together, which, honestly, was bound to happen sooner or later. Another kept their hands away from each other, which gave them more time to study for their exams. But, no matter what the arguments were about, they were always relatively short-lived and ended with reassurances that hell would freeze over before any break up would be approved of. No, they both loved each other too much to break up, because while neither of them was perfect, neither of them could imagine their life without the other.

And so, on the twentieth of April, few months before turning 24, Axel had proposed.

It was the weekend, a rare Saturday when neither of them had work. After graduating from the Culinary Institute of Twilight Town, Axel had become an official chef-in-training in the restaurant where he had worked part-time previously, and Roxas was an intern in one of the local veterinary clinics. They were both pretty busy, so a free Saturday was all the more valuable. And though they were aware that they could have spent it doing something more productive, sitting on the coach with Don on Roxas’ right, and Garfield on Axel’s left, seemed like a nicer option.

“Tell me about the man you love the most, Roxy” the redhead started, not really paying attention to the film. He’d seen _Grease_ one time too many anyway.

“Mm, the man I love most you say? Well, he has the prettiest red mane that I like to run my fingers through” Axel kissed his neck affectionately, but the blond wasn’t done yet. “And he has the most amazing eyes, so green and so pretty. I could stare at them for eternity. Plus he always seems to know when I’m dying for some lasagne”

“Sounds like a great man to be in love with” Roxas sighed contentedly when Axel’s kisses turned into gentle nips.

“Mhm, that’s my Garfield. Though I do love Don just as much, you know” the redhead pulled away, giving his lover a mock hurt expression.

“Why, you little shit” rather than seeing, Axel could feel Roxas’ playful smirk as their lips pressed against one another. Remembering his plans, the redhead quickly pulled away, not minding Roxas’ disappointed whine.

“Well, I might not be the man you love most, but I certainly don’t see myself loving someone more than I love you, or spending the rest of my life with someone that’s not you. So, Roxas, will you keep making me happy for the rest of our lives and marry me?”

The blond looked at him, his blue eyes slightly wider and unblinking, trained on the single shiny object that Axel was holding up for him to see. They were still sitting on their sofa together with their dog and cat, in the small flat they had rented ages ago, wearing sweatpants and hoodies, with nachos and mineral water serving as their five star meal, with   John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John singing in the background. But, as a happy grin appeared on the blond’s face, and as Axel tried to slip the ring on Roxas’ finger as their lips met once more, neither of them could imagine the proposal going any differently. Candle-lit dinners or Mozart playing in the background was so not their style.

When, one month later, they entered the cathedral where Aerith’s wedding was taking place, both of them realized that sometime in a year or two, it would be them preparing for a similar ceremony. The realization sent jolts of excitement down their spines, and they’d grinned at each other.

“Axel. Your mother was looking for you” the redhead turned to look at Cloud, nodding his head in gratitude. To be honest, Cloud still sometimes scared the shit out of Axel. But only sometimes, and only because during those rare occasion, the oldest Strife would look at him the same way he did when Roxas and Axel had officially started dating. The typical ‘If he cries because of you, I’ll murder you with a toothpick’ glare.

With one final peck to Roxas’ cheek, the redhead tried to locate his mother among the masses of people. Aerith’s fiancé, Sephiroth, had a weirdly huge number of family members and acquaintances alike. Actually, Axel had often wondered how the sweet, caring, motherly Aerith had ended up dating a guy like Sephiroth Crescent. The guy seldom smiled, and when he did, it sent chills down the redhead’s spine. Maybe he was too judgemental, as he’d never spent much time with him. And Zack was friends with him, so he couldn’t have been that bad. Then again, Zack was friends with a lot of weird people.

“Ah, Axel! Good, good, I’ve been looking for you. Listen, I’ve just been telling Gillian here, you remember Gillian right?, about this amazing recipe you’ve told me about last week, but I can’t recall all the ingredients” Axel smiled at his mother and Mrs Hewley and lunged into the explanation.

By the time he’d made it back to Roxas and his friends, the group had grown tremendously. Reno and Tifa had somehow found them, and wherever there was Tifa, Yuffie was somewhere close by. Cloud wasn’t among them, but Zack was arguing with Yuffie over something pointless, most likely. It seemed that Ventus was successful in his search for Terra and Aqua as well, seeing as the three of them were standing near Xion and Namine. But aside from them, there were three people that Axel didn’t, and yet somewhat did recognize. A silver-haired guy, that was eerily similar to Aerith’s fiancé and a maroon-haired girl that was standing next to Namine with a huge grin on her face. But the one that caught his interest was the brunet, looking at Roxas from the corner of his eye with a badly hidden hope. He’d only seen the pictures that Namine had drawn eight or seven years ago, but he was almost certain of the trio’s identity.

“What, what? What’re we laughing about now? Did Dem piss off some lady again? Oh? Who’re these three? Dem, you didn’t kidnap them right? We went through this a hundred times already, no kidnapping cute kids” as soon as he’d caught Roxas eye, the blond’s arm left the brunet’s shoulder, a small smile forming on his lips. He could see him mouthing ‘Welcome back’ and grinned back.

“I didn’t kidnap them! Why do you always assume I’m the one doing something weird!” Demyx protested loudly, but Axel paid him no mind. He’d made his way towards Roxas, giving the brunet standing next to the blond one, curious glance, before leaning down and capturing Roxas’ lips in a kiss. It was nowhere near as heated as their kisses could get. No, quite the contrary, it was short and brief. But, as he’d pulled away and glanced at the brunet once more, he knew that it conveyed the unsaid message.

_‘He’s mine’._

“Dem didn’t kidnap them, Ax. They’re my friends from Destiny Islands. This is Sora, the redhead that Namine finally stopped molesting is Kairi, and the Sephiroth clone-“

“-I’m his brother!”

“-is Riku. Guys, this is Xion, Namine’s girlfriend and my best friend, Zack, Cloud’s husband-to-be, Yuffie, Tifa, Demyx, Zexion, Terra, Aqua and Reno, and you already know Nami and Ven. And finally, this douchebag is Axel, Reno’s younger brother and my fiancé”

Axel watched in quiet satisfaction as the brunet’s eyes went wide with surprise. If the kid wasn’t in love with _his_ fiancé, perhaps he’d feel more sympathy towards him. He was too expressive, which reminded the redhead of Demyx a lot, and therefore he was pretty sure he could have liked him, if the circumstances were different. But they weren’t, and one’s happiness equalled the other’s pain. And Axel wasn’t giving up his happiness. No, he wasn’t giving up Roxas. And, by openly telling the brunet about their engagement, Roxas had made it pretty clear that he wasn’t giving up Axel either.

And so they all watched as Kairi and Riku rushed towards the seemingly frozen Sora and made up excuses that none of them believed. And as they watched as the trio disappeared among the masses, Roxas’ hand found Axel’s, squeezing it tightly.

“Does it make me a jerk if, even though I haven’t seen him for eight years, as soon as he’d hugged me I wished it was you instead?” the whisper was quiet, meant only for Axel’s ears.

“Nah. It just means I give better hugs” he’d pulled the blond closer by the waist, grinning at him. And, as Roxas looked up, a small smile on his face, both of them knew the world wouldn’t be right if it weren’t the two of them, Axel and Roxas, walking through life hand in hand.

After the wedding, the two of them would go back to Roxas’ aunt and uncle’s house to get some sleep and pick up their pets, but not before seeing a wild Zack Fair doing squats in the bathroom. Then they’d return to their little, cramped home back in Twilight Town, and Demyx, Zexion, Xion and Namine would probably come over the very next day to laugh at the photographs. When they’d leave, both Roxas and Axel would be too exhausted after too much socialization, but they’d still go on a walk with Don and try to stop Garfield from scattering the cat food all over the floor. They’d give up and probably pass out on the coach. Just before they could call asleep, either Marluxia or Larxene would call to complain about something. And then, finally, snuggled with each other, they'd fall asleep. 

And, as they watched Aerith cross the cathedral in a lovely white gown, both of them knew they wouldn’t have it any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs used were: 
> 
> 1) "Used to Be" by Arrows to Athens; the fic's title  
> 2) "Only Teardrops" by Emmelie de Forest; chapter one's title  
> 3) "Beautiful Words" by The Afters; chapter two's title  
> 4) "Our Farewell" by Within Temptation; the first song Roxas sings  
> 5) "Dream On" by Aerosmith; the second song Roxas sings  
> 6) "I Won't Let Go" by Rascal Flatts; the third song Roxas sings
> 
> The story was a lot of fun to write. And I'm sorry, in my mind, Axel would just make the most perfect cook in the world. Roxas probably fell in love with him when Axel made lasagne for him for the first time, ahah. 
> 
> Anyway, thank you very much for reading and I apologize for any embarrassing grammar mistakes I might have made ;w;  
> Also, even though I've been using AO3 for a while now, I still have no idea how to get rid of chapter 1's ending notes in the next chapters...

**Author's Note:**

> As I was writing it, I was hoping it'd reach 2k words. I hadn't really planned for it to get over 9k! But well, it's been something that I've wanted to write for a while now, and I went a little overboard ahah. 
> 
> 1) In case you were curious, Roxas' uncle and aunt are Cid Highwind (FF VII) and Shera (FF VII).  
> 2) The book Roxas mentions exists. It's called "The Devil You Know" by Mike Carey
> 
> Chapter II will be Axel's take on his relationship with Roxas.
> 
> I apologize for any embarrassing grammar mistakes I might have made and thank you very much for reading.


End file.
